Featured

We are not beautiful…

 

There are many reasons why this song resonates so deeply with me.

  1. Ive always been an Ed Sheeran & recent Khalid fan
  2. I love alternative/relaxed/chill vibe music
  3. Lately I’ve grown sick of the fancy labels, the money, the popularity – the whole lifestyle

I would definitely say the phrase “money can’t buy happiness” is evidently true. Sure, some will say that only people who have the money would say that. I get it. The people with money don’t appreciate the fact that they have it. It’s true.

Yet, I’ve seen what money can do to people. Once you’re in the race, it’s a constant struggle to get to first place. Sometimes people become so desperate, they’ll swerve and cheat just to stay in the game. It’s not easy maintaining that lifestyle. Once you’re in, you’re either all in, or out.

Sure, I like nice things. I shop at designer stores when I can, if it’s something we can afford, I’ll get it. Nothing is going to my grave besides me and my sins or hopefully rather good deeds, so what am I going to horde money for? As long as my kid is set for life, I’m happy. But do I feel the need to buy something just to be able to say I have it? Do I constantly yearn for more because that girl put up an instagram post of her husband buying her a new Chanel push present?

No. No thank you.

I also know when to save, I comprehend the value of things and also understand that what they are, are just things. Materialistic things.

I refrain from being selfish, donating when I can and sharing with the less fortunate.

The problem with the way of life of these “beautiful people”?

It’s too fast paced. It’s a race because there’s no holding back. There’s no loyalty. One day you’re at the top of the food chain, in the blink of an eye you’re old news and you’ve been dropped like a melted popsicle on a hot summer day.

E452B3B6-FDA3-44E4-9B69-318815A9868B

 

You get a Ferrari, the next guy gets a Lambo, you get Gucci, the next girl gets Louis Vuitton, you throw the biggest Christmas party of the year, the next guy’s New Years one is even better. There’s no endgame. There’s no limit.

For some people, they devote themselves to this struggle. They crave the recognition. They do it for the “gram.” They do it for the fame. They do it because if they don’t, they’re done.

They give all they can to create an image that gains everyone’s approval, but along the way, they forget whether they would even approve of it themselves. But then? Then, it’s too late.

I’ve witnessed generous individuals become greedy, innocent souls become vindictive, humble people blowing off waves of arrogance. It’s not worth it.

My husband and I just started rewatching the show Entourage.

76A665D9-B45C-4D14-8125-DE09434D2713

It illustrates the exact beautiful people that the Ed Sheeran song refers to. Some people admire them, some people are envious of them, some people dream to fill their shoes.

My husband looked at me while watching last nights episode (season 2 and they’re trying to get Vince the Aquaman movie), and he said “God that must be so stressful.” Always trying to be ahead of the game, so exhausted from turning your back because you never know who’s ready to stab it next. I looked back at him and in my head I thought, this man. I’m so grateful that when it comes to these things, our visions are aligned. Sure it’s fun to watch other people living like this, but would we want that? No.

Maybe if tomorrow we suddenly won the lottery and were granted with a billion dollars, we’d sing a different tune. But I’d like to think that I’d actively push and push to not let it change me. Being wholesome, being pretty, it’s who you are on the inside. Being a part of the beautiful people on the outside? The flawless tans, the straight white teeth, the flat stomachs and the latest brands? That comes with a price. Some people are willing to pay it, I’m not.

I’ll gladly stay ugly if it means being my self. As long as my husband and kid think I’m beautiful, that’s all that matters to me.

x

 

Congratulations, your face didn’t meet the toilet today!!

 

So, this one is especially for all the 1st time mommy – to – be’s, but the curious are always welcome. Maybe it’s more for the daddy – to – be’s too.

As soon as I found out, I felt so unprepared that I opened up the laptop and started researching countless blogs, and I went to Barnes & Nobel the first chance I got to buy expecting books. I’ve always wanted to be prepared for everything in my life, and I had this overwhelming despair that I’m not ready. Doesn’t matter how excited I am, how I have always loved working with kids, how I’ve always daydreamed about being a mother but when it really comes to you, when it hits you, it’s a whole different feeling. I hear so many stories about labor, about breast-feeding, about sleepless nights and I think to my self, UH – OH! I always fast forwarded to the part where I get to take the child to swimming lessons and watch daddy play with him/her in the backyard but this?

7E3E7750-B273-4F7E-B0BE-920721042BD6

This, was complete news to me.

So what did I do?

I called my own mom of course. It’s ironic really. I asked for help from my own mother about how to be a mother. She calmed me down, and since she’s had many issues with pregnancy, along with having me and two younger siblings – clearly she’s experienced. She’s also struggled because my dad used to travel and she went to many appointments alone. Though everyone gives advice, puts their two cents in, tells you what to do because clearly you have no idea what you are doing and they know better, my mom’s words of wisdom are something I know I can rely on without feeling like a blithering idiot.

It was simple.

She told me that I can look at this experience as something that is miserable, my life is over, negative – or I can embrace it.

I chose the latter.

The internet can be a scary place at times, and I realized that after I found out every preggo mother’s experience was different from mine. So I clicked x on all the tabs and chose to forge my own path.

7EAEA065-735C-47B4-98CA-05A165B920FC

What I have learned so far?

  1. You will want to hug your own mother every day because you understand now what she went through.
  2. You will notice the pregnant women more when you go to grocery stores and malls or anywhere you are out, and feel like she’s a sister from another mother just because she’s going through what you’re going through.
  3. If you are lucky and don’t have any morning sickness, I hate you. No, I’m just kidding but really you are lucky and make every minute count.
  4. If you are like me and you spent the first couple of months just trying not to barf every time your stomach consumed something, or trying to distract your self from the constant uneasy nausea that takes over then let me tell you it doesn’t matter if you try every pill in the book – nothing helps. Unless Harry Potter found something from Hogwarts as a remedy  – you’re basically stuck and you just gotta go with it.
  5. You will have so much more appreciation for health, it’s like you have a fever and you’re under the weather so you don’t feel like your body is your own because it’s weak and even if it doesn’t last long,  you miss being able to eat what you want and breathe easily and not have a blocked nose or a head that feels like it’s in the microwave. You want to be a 100% again and you thank your lucky stars you don’t have any illness or disease that takes control of your body.
  6. I don’t know if others can relate, but when you’re constantly dealing with morning sickness, it may not even hit you what’s happening because you are too preoccupied trying to feel like a human again. You may not realize you’re going to have a child soon because you are so busy trying to adapt to your body so when people congratulate you – you may feel like slapping them because who wants to celebrate feeling like crap on toast- but then your light bulb goes on about why you’re feeling this way so you smile and say thank you. It’s okay – it’s normal (at least I think so)
  7. Invest in mouth wash. Pretzels. Jelly candy. Mints.
  8. If you have a husband that’s by your side in this, try to remember he isn’t the bad guy. I’ve never been much of a feminist but after this experience I definitely think men are completely incapable of doing something that requires actual strength. I used to think just PMS would be difficult for any male to handle but THIS. Yeah, men are useless. They just can’t do it. That doesn’t mean it’s their fault, it’s not their fault that they don’t have lady parts and if you are like me whose husband runs away every time I head for the toilet with my head bent over instead of holding my hair back, it’s not his fault either. He’s not the enemy, he just isn’t equipped to deal with it and I can’t expect him to be. What I do expect is for him to know that when I’m going absolutely hysterical and crying for no apparent reason, or when I want him to run downstairs and grab me a million things because I can’t even move, or when I can’t decide what I want to eat because I have to know what my stomach will allow me to keep down – it’s not MY fault. It’s not me. It’s the hormones. So if he is there giving you a hug when you cry for wondering why you’re crying so much, and if he asks if you need anything after you’ve hacked up an explosion, trust me – that’s a good thing.
  9. When people ask how you’re feeling, provide answers based on your own judgement. If it’s an older women, around the age of my Mother In Law, let’s say over 60 -I tell her I’m fine and smile, because according to her, all women have to go through this and you should suck it up because she always always had to go through much worse than you did so you have no right to complain. If it’s a new mom, you can be honest and say so-so because she’ll be understanding and say aww hope you feel better. I would suggest never to divulge the whole truth and say how you feel like a monster and how you wish you could be human again and appreciate food again unless it’s your best friend because chances are, some women probably do have it much worse than you, or worse is that some women would kill to be in your position but can’t be. So don’t be ungrateful.
  10. If you have the opportunity to lay on your ass and do nothing, then by all means get comfortable on that couch and relax. Don’t kill your self. That doesn’t mean you become a vegetable, but take this time to do what you want.
  11. I know this is a blog where you get to share your thoughts and feelings whether someone is out there reading or not, but it’s also beneficial to have a place of your own where you can write and scribble thoughts that cater directly to your future self. You can call it a pregnancy journal or just a place to vent but I can’t wait to come back and find it in some grungy old box in the closet (we don’t have attics or basements) and read about how I felt at the time, what my experience was like, what the older me thinks of the younger me and how much I have changed or how similar I am.
  12. It’s okay to have doubts. It’s okay to feel like your life is about to change and you reminisce the times where you were independent, your worries were just about you and not someone your responsible for. It’s okay to feel sad that you can’t shop for your self anymore because every time you look in the mirror you get bigger and your skin and hair and every part of you changes. It’s okay.
  13. PRAY for us & if you aren’t religious then wish us LUCK. Hopefully I won’t drive my husband bat shit insane today and I will have only 1 trip to the bathroom instead of 3 or 4.

x

Something to believe in <3

Before you start thinking I’m preaching or providing a religious studies lecture, take an imaginary key and open the lock to your mind. It may be boring, it may be ridiculous, it may be revolting, it may be just plain odd, but take a look-see – it may also be just what you’re looking for . . .

images_backgrounds_cards_eid_mubarak_eid_al_adha

Many of you nonMuslims must be wondering what exactly this means.

How to even pronounce the word.

Why is it such a big deal?

Why do people take off work or school and wear strange clothes just for this day?

As a Muslim, I’m ashamed to say that I can give you the basic conception of what Muslims around the world do and what the day is and how to say it, but the reasoning behind it, the significance of this particular holiday – I didn’t discover my self until much recently.

We try to explain it as being our kind of Christmas.

  1.  It’s a holiday that comes twice a year yet has a few differences amongst them.
  2. It is normally a celebration spent amongst family and friends
  3. Food plays a major part in bringing people together as well as
  4. Dressing in festive clothes
  5. Attending special morning prayers and last but not least
  6. the Gifts.

Now the basic idea seems pretty similar but the holiday is defined as more than just the cultural customs and traditions. The holiday stems from the religion of Islam.

This particular Eid, which is referred to as Eid- al Adha, and takes place according to the date on our lunar calendar, is a celebration that takes place after every Muslim has completed a sacrifice.

What sort of sacrifice?

C234C522-76B8-465D-9D8D-93B7BF121D21

 

Yup, that’s right. Goats.

It can also be different animals such as sheep, ram, camels or cows but the idea is to sacrifice one of these animals the day of Eid.

I know you vegans or animal activists out there must think this is horrifying and tragic. I my self used to question it but hear me out. It was the Kutbah (Religious lecture) I listened to during this Eid holiday at the morning prayer that I discovered the reasoning behind it.

In the religion of Islam, there were holy prophets and important people whose virtues and lessons we are obliged to follow, and one of them was a man known as Ibrahim who was required by Allah (our God) to learn the meaning and true depth of sacrifice. He was asked to sacrifice his own son for the sake of his God.

He intended to carry out this ultimate act of submission as no one is to disobey Allah, but what was so significant about the incident was that he was not allowed to do the sacrifice when the child was a baby. He was required to nurture the child, let him grow a few years, become attached to him so that when the time came to do the deed, the true meaning of sacrifice was understood – so the essence of the deed required by Allah was felt in his very core.

As Ibrahim was on the brink of beginning the sacrifice, Allah held mercy on him and replaced a ram in the place of his son.

Why?

Because the removal of a human life is forbidden in Islam, especially in the name of God.

The significance of this event is that Allah made Muslims around the world sacrifice one of these particular animals instead of humans every year in order to make them aware of how willing these believers before our time were to please their God, to sacrifice what ever it takes to submit and prove their beliefs.

I know you must be thinking, how bizarre is this? What on earth is wrong with these people?

Well quite honestly every religion has their own set of beliefs, many of them engage in acts that can be questionable to others but seems justified to them.

When you’re born in a Muslim family, most of the time you just carry on with the customs because it’s what you see your parents doing and what is expected of you. As you get older, curiosity builds and when people begin to question you about your religion, you begin to question it yourself.

The first place to find answers is reading the Quran (our holy book). Yet sometimes it doesn’t really provide the whole picture. It dictates the facts, but doesn’t explain the theories in layman terms. When i listened in detail to the reasoning behind this act of worship, I understood why it is we do what we do.

Sure we could all go without killing a goat every year – but let me tell you the best part about this holiday and the sacrifice.

It’s that the meat which is slaughtered or at least one-third (but however much you please) has to be donated to the poor or needy. Meaning that there were about 2 million Muslims this year attending the annual pilgrimage of Hajj in Saudi Arabia, which marks the arrival of this Eid – who participated in this sacrificial form of worship, not to mention Muslims sitting in all parts of the world like me – here in Orlando, Florida – who also participated and all of us are individuals that can afford the sacrifice.

What does that mean?

That means that there are those many individuals who can help the other thousands of needy and poor who have never had the ability to even taste meat. Who crave and yearn for food that they can’t afford. So yeah, I could go to Mc Donalds and buy a big mac which probably came from some animal, captured from some farm, slaughtered by some machine and stuff my own face with it.

OR

I could spend this one day, knowing that I had an animal slaughtered for something that has meaning, for a purpose, for an act to prove my faith. Now I understand the meaning why we celebrate Eid and I’m hoping you may have a better idea too.

Everyone has their own beliefs.

Some follow more than one religion

Some choose a different path altogether and abstain from following any religion

Some carry on with the customs because their parents told them to and its expected,

Some are constantly searching for the why and dare to question what they’ve been taught –

I believe everyone has faith in something.

Whether it’s God, whether it’s music, whether it’s science or even mediation – whatever it is, they should embrace it with open arms. Sure every choice of faith may seemed flawed, nothing is perfect. There are extremists even today who label themselves as Muslim and  behave to the point where they defy the essence of our religion and mold it to create their own versions – hurting innocent souls around the world. There are followers of every religion who forge their own path, many of them leaning towards darkness and hate or intolerance for others. Yet, the thought of not having something to believe in, something out of control that guides us, something to depend on when we are at rock bottom, something to be grateful to when we are the happiest we could ever be, it terrifies me.

Maybe Valentines Day is a day for us to believe in love, Thanksgiving is a day for us to believe in gratitude and Eid – Eid is another day for something to believe in, maybe even a day to believe in all of the above.

x

Take a listen fellow readers . .

“What is that noise?”

shower-head-2

 

Why is it that we do our best thinking in the shower?

Is it because those drops of (hopefully clean) water cascading down you feel like little drops of magic?

Is it because your thinking cap is hidden away to dry and your mind has the ability to wander at its will?

If you ask a psych major, maybe they’d provide some extensive reasoning that could be linked to something totally random. But let’s be honest, it’s probably because it’s one of the rare occasions we aren’t surrounded by the worlds distractions.

Some of you may have the ability to take those long baths often, but for me, it’s a luxury that I value when the opportunity comes knocking.

Why?

Because I will own up to the fact that when I was home alone and I had the time, I would blast the music and jam while cleansing my self, but it didn’t bring the same serenity. The only noise around me was of the lyrics or beats of the songs.

But now, now I appreciate that noise.

  • The noise of my imagination holding me captive and daring me to travel where I haven’t been.
  • The noise of water pouring in a constant rhythm to the beat of my thoughts.

Many people find that tranquility when attending a spa day, lying on the beach, driving to a destination only their heart has the authority of knowing, but I find this treasure to be comforting right under my own roof.

Sure, I would love to get a massage to help me chase my worries away, lay on the beach and soak up that sunshine, speed into the sunset with the windows down but I just don’t feel that liberty when I have to schedule an appointment to relax and also put a dent in my wallet for it.

I admire listening to silence.

I find enjoyment in drifting away from the routine of life and taking some time to my self.

I’ve also always been appreciative of the little things.

I’ve always been a believer that it’s the mundane things in life that really make us appreciate it life it self.

So when I crave that noise, when I want to look back and appreciate the little things, when I want to embrace that freedom, I don’t need to go far, I just have to go take a shower.

Try it some time, you may enjoy the noise too.

You may even smell a little better and feel a little fresher too. There’s nothing wrong with that.

X

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend- somewhere along in the bitterness? 

Growing Up.

It happens to the best of us, maybe some of us more than others, but it’s always there – a part of life.

When I was a kid, I used to think being a grown up meant going to college, being married, or being an adult (over the age of 20ish). Of course later I realized growing up wasn’t some achievement or destination to reach – its a process that continues, basically until the day you die.

Growing up never really stops.

These days people recognize that concept, and place a different label on it, Adulting.

53618FC3-00DA-41EC-B958-0293A19930DD

Some individuals were so eager, ready to explore & be independent, curious about what the world had to offer, edging to escape from their shells and the shadow of their parents.

Me? I was too lazy. Too comfortable. I was fine at home, doing my thing, easy breezy life. But then of course I couldn’t be a cat lady living in my parents attic watching Disney movies and binge eating my mom’s cooking forever.

So, then life happened. It happened hard. It was even more challenging than I imagined.

Relationships.

My first best friend was the daughter of family friends that I grew up with. We basically bonded at our parents get togethers when we’d be bored out of our minds and we found someone our own age to be miserable with. Misery soon turned into play dates, followed by trips to the mall, followed by daily conversations on AIM and doing all the stuff the pre – teens from the 90’s did. Then, I moved.

I didn’t move to another city, another state, I moved to the other side of the globe. From Texas to Pakistan. Talk about a change of scenery. I’ve  always been a people pleaser, never say no to the parents kind of kid, but this hurt. We tried the long distance bonding but soon we became tired of sharing stories about people we knew we’d never meet. Today we’re worlds apart, yet geographically closer than before. She changed in many ways and so did I. I call her a casual acquaintance now.

My second best friend was a girl I met in middle school who had also moved from America to Pakistan and from day one, we clicked. She was a year younger than me, but I enjoyed being the mamma bear and helping her when she was too gullible or too innocent for the world. We did the crushes on boys, sneaking out of the house, those things and the like.

Two years later I switched schools. Now we’re talking high school and that’s a pretty challenging time for an adolescent. I still didn’t throw much of a fit, we tried to keep our bond strong, but soon I made new friends and so did she. Our drifting apart was more gradual and less intentional. She threw my bridal shower for me, I tried to be her shoulder to lean on when her mother died, but even after those major moments, life led us on different paths. We had the kind of connection that if I see her today, the hugs and laughs will be long, the sentiments genuine but it’s just a struggle to keep in touch.

62E5A82B-ECC6-460A-89D9-E928C8F52845

As life went on I moved around a lot more, you could say I’ve faced a lot more struggles in the friends department compared to let’s say my husband – who’s been born and raised in the same city his whole life and still has everlasting friendships with the same guys he knew since he was ten years old. Sure they’ve faced their differences too but he didn’t have to go through a lot of trial and error or soul searching.

I made a third best friend, ironically  I wasn’t very keen the first time I met her since I was fed up with the changes and having to open up to new people every few years. Now, she’s considered one of the closest people to me besides my own family. We’ve been through ups and downs, we’ve been through major milestones, I’ve made some other best friends along the way too. We may not see each other for years, we may be scattered in different parts of the world, but we take the time & put in the effort to check up on each other. I’ve made many new friends after marriage and I’ve discovered who to keep close and who to keep a distance from.

But, the general concept of growing up I experienced through

  • Learning to let go of people who I just couldn’t relate to after a while
  • Realizing that it is easy to get caught up in your life, and even though there are people living a thousand miles away from you, they still belong in your life and are worth keeping rather than friends who might be in the next neighborhood over who you just don’t see eye to eye with or who aren’t there for you to depend on
  • Understanding that some people wear masks to cover up their real identities, and a friend could actually be a foe or vice versa

 

F12E5253-411E-4E9F-A3FE-180DE7CC709E

What I didn’t realize is through those relationships, I didn’t just learn

  1. how to maintain relationships
  2. how to distinguish between real and fake people
  3. how to accept that I don’t need a million friends in my life, just a few that I can rely on

I also learned things about my self. Through my mistakes, through my insecurities, through my strengths, I learned what growing up is really about. I also realized I’m not finished yet. My story is still incomplete.

I have begun to understand that to be a grown up you don’t always have to be serious/boring, you don’t always have to be negative, you definitely don’t have to have all the answers, but you do have to be prepared to face change.

A person goes through so many changes in their life, how can they not expect the people around them to?

With so many changes happening in people, how can they expect relationships not to change?

I guess if a kid sees me on the street, they’ll say I’m a grown up just because I’m sitting there yelling at my own toddler to stop throwing his toy cars all over the floor.

If a stranger sees me on the street they’ll say I’m a grown up because I have white hair and I’m probably arguing with my husband about something incredibly ridiculous.

I see my self as a grown up through all the experiences I’ve been through, but I still call my self a kid at heart, because

D0CDA45F-A89E-4FC5-B509-4AEFE0E4501F

X

Don’t you worry child, see, heaven’s got a plan for you.

Hey Readers,

So it’s been a while since I’ve posted and it was honestly unintentional on my part, but sometimes you really have to dig for time for your self.

It’s a new year. 

Some people treat it like the apocalypse, but for me?

Whether you anxiously anticipate it’s arrival, whether you dread the second it begins, it’s destined to come. You can’t stop time and you can’t rewind it.

While I’d like to look back on the past 25 years of my life and think I’ve evolved, I also have the nagging sense of feeling that I’m right where I’ve always been.

I’m still the person who burdens the stress and worries of everyone around her because If I don’t then the guilt will eat me alive.

CDD088CE-E283-4C6E-9A83-22208767E75C.gif

If I don’t invest my absolute energy and devotion into making others around me happy, then I feel as I have failed.

Someone once told me that I always do everything in my power to make others happy just so it’ll make them like me and make me feel good about my self.

I’m not going to lie, it’s a reward for my self too if I manage to make someone smile or brighten their day or share their sorrows. People Pleaser?

Yet, I have learned that even if I do go out of my way to please others, it’s still not enough.

It really doesn’t make them like me, but rather only entices them more to act the way they do. My goal when I act a certain way isn’t to prove a point, it’s not to place an impression on others, it’s a sincere act of kindness.

My grandfather always told me to do the right thing :

  • even if it’s hard
  • even if it makes you drop down to your knees and seem like you’re surrendering
  • even if you take all the pain
  • even if you give and never take
  • even if you act and get nothing in return

just do it.

WHY?

Because your reward will arrive in the hereafter.

Now, I know religion comes into play with that, and after seeing all the crap that my mom has gone through and others have gone through, my question to him was –

What’s the point of doing things now when your reward will come only after you die?

The point, I discovered through continuous mental workouts, is that I disagree with that someone.

Sure, you can get your mean face on, but what about when all your left with is a scoresheet that says you won, but you have nothing left to show for it?

The confrontations you face with others, the hard and cold hearted people you face in your lifetime, they are the ones who build you up and make you stronger.

 Why let the world or your conscience own you?

It’s been a hard couple of weeks for me, and today I had found my self locked in a chamber of grief and hopelessness.

I’ve always been able to put a smile on and fight whatever comes my way, but today, life kicked me in the ass and taught me a lesson that nothing is under my control and even if I think I’m right where I want to be, it kicked my feet out from under me and pulled a checkmate.

B11DBCDB-A4CA-4E5C-A4B8-03498DE95AFD.gif

But then I woke up and realized, here’s another test, how am I going to approach it?

Let it consume me again?

Let the awful things in life absorb who I am?

Give up on all I have because I’m too weak to confront it?

NO.

If you think I’m just nice because I’m weak, you’re undeniably naive.

Being the bigger person isn’t always a guarantee.

I’m nice and I’m kind, I’m willing to give and give and put up with the world’s tests because I’m strong and because I will refuse to let the world change me.

They say the worries rob you of tomorrow, and I couldn’t agree more with that statement.

Heaven really does have a plan for me, and that’s why all I have is faith now, no more worries.

x

Just Keep Swimming

 

Hey people,

So who out there is like me..

  • who feels things too deeply
  • who feels the need to express her emotions and really explore them rather than just ignore them?

If that’s you, don’t worry, embrace it!!

WHY?

Because I learn to appreciate the best moments and try to imprint it in my mind so the memory never fades.

Yes, on some days it’s a straight up pain in the ass because the crummy, crabby, irritated, angry, upset and negative emotions are felt with just as much passion. But… 

who cares? It’s always better to feel. 

I mean I have no right to complain. There’s people out there in the world who can’t even afford a place to stay or a bite to eat, and I have been blessed in ways I never would have imagined. Even still…

How did I end up here?

Is the choice I made that one day, what led to the chain of events, to what is happening right now?

Was this meant to be my destiny no matter what came along?

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Good OR Bad.  No matter what you try to plan, God has his own plans and you just fall into them. But, sometimes, on days like today, you’re just like,

3FAF6705-0B92-4DB9-93A7-208A76F6EA3D

  • When work no longer becomes a place you can enjoy using your skills and look forward to get ready for.
  • When home is a constant magnitude of stress and negativity and you don’t have any control over the happenings in it
  • When your personality is reserved and you only have a few friends who are halfway across the world and you hardly get time to catch up with them but sometimes even if you do, you avoid it beacuse you don’t want to sound like a bore or a depressed and pathetic soul always complaining
  • When you dump everything on your husband and he’s got his own crap going on so there’s only so much you can vent to him

Then what?

I’m lucky to have a close relationship with my mom where I can vent to her every day but it always occurs to me later how I’m not supposed to tell her every little thing because she will worry and probably be upset.

But.. who do you turn to on those days?

84956DA2-57D6-4092-B1E5-1E72AA653534

If I’ve learned anything, it’s that on days like these, you have to tell your self to just keep swimming because if you don’t you’re pretty much doomed to stay that way.

I’m a psych major, I’ve taken courses on depression and motivation, I know I’m just down and I need a pick me up, but at times I wonder what the boundaries are.

Who gets to define whether you are strong to handle things on your own or if you’re too independant and care free?

If you are too needy and relying on others, or if your just simply asking for help when you need it?

What’s the limit to which I can complain just for the sake of it, or if I’m going overboard and sounding like I hate life when I don’t? When is enough really enough?

Who gets to decide whether I’m being ungrateful or just honest?

They say never change for the world, Be Yourself. Do what you think is right and be who you are with no excuses. Well, what if that’s not working? What if you’re stuck in a place where you think you need to toughen up to deal with the real world. Does that make you a coward for changing your self? Or does that make you courageous for handling things on your own instead of asking for help?

I’m no saint, but I hate being mean. I believe you have no reason to be selfish and rude to others.

I felt like being a real troll today and acting the way I know others do without hesitation. Sometimes you just want to let the world know you’re not at your best and you want to lash out on everything, but it solves nothing. Instead, I told my self to

A73334D0-348B-4503-8CFB-A4FF1079FACB

If you change your self, then you have nothing left. It’s not about winning or losing, it’s about making the day count. It’s about making the change, not changing your self.

x

“Nothing, can compare, To when you roll the dice and you swear your love’s for me.”

Hello Tuesday Morning,

WARNING : POST INCLUDES UNLIMITED AMOUNTS OF SAPPINESS, READ WITH CAUTION ::

If you caught on to the title of this post, that means you’re a fellow O.C. fan and every time you listen to it, you get flashbacks of the scenes with Seth & Summer or Marissa & Ryan.

If not, well then it’s a beautiful song by Finley Quaye called Dice, take a listen.

Anyways, I adore Tuesday mornings.

Particularly, ones like today due to the fact that my husband starts work late, and I don’t work till the after noon, so we get a little more time with each other. Now besides what you think we were doing, which was awesome(tmi, I know, but hey it’s my blog and I can share what I want), it was also wonderful just to cuddle up and discuss general ramblings of the day or week. You get to really wish your hubby good morning and it’s a break from the regular routine of five days where you don’t really get a hold of each other till the evening from an exhausted day of work.

0411E151-08AA-4F03-B7A7-5C8B2B2B8210

If you’re married, then you know that 90% of the time, that time in the evening is crucial because if one of you is having a bad day, it takes a lot of patience and extravagant listening skills to avoid arguments and have a peaceful night.

I know I sound sappy, and heading heavily towards a Taylor Swift song, but I thought I’d share some tips with you guys. Those of you that are dating, living together, engaged, married, or just have a special someone in your life —

1. Enjoy everything.

2. Notice the little things.

3. Never, take anything for granted

4. Pay attention to the details.

I would always compare our relationship to other people’s.

Looking at other couple’s instagram pictures when they march off to different cities or even continents every other weekend. ✔️

Men doing all these fancy proposals for their wives. ✔️

Wifey’s uploading pictures of their push presents, which if you don’t know what that is, it’s a very expensive designer bag or some other object that you earned because you gave birth to your child. ✔️

I would even compare it to my parent’s and one time he got really upset with me and told me that we are not your parents.

Since then, it’s clicked.

Each relationship consists of different circumstances, different battles, different situations and different obstacles to overcome.

Every relationship has to struggle and to get where they are, the two people really  have to work at it, and just because one solution works for two people, doesn’t mean it’ll work for the other two.

You have to understand the person you are dealing with, you have to use trial and error, communicate, judge, pick your battles and learn when to fight and when to let go.

Me?

I have come to learn what I consider most important to me and what’s worth fighting for.

I used to sincerely believe that doing the fancy date nights and trying everything you see on social media is necessary. Yet, I learned that sometimes I enjoyed the basic things like watching my husband’s favorite movie and observing the excitement he gets from explaining the story to me, fighting over who gets the remote, binge eating junk food & just acting silly – those are the little things that matter.

6EF34267-0C8B-4B33-93FA-79908059B7DB

Don’t wait for that reservation at that fancy restaurant and getting dressed up every weekend to eat a fancy dinner. Sure, sometimes it’s great, but sometimes, picking up food and cuddling at home, playing fooseball or cards in your pj’s, telling stories and reading ridiculous articles or taking Buzzfeed quizzes together, those things can be just as rewarding.

Learn to accept what you can get, and realize that anything you do with your significant other, should be memorable. If it’s not, than it’s not what you’re doing, it’s who you’re doing it with that’s the problem.

You know when you buy an outfit for a special occasion, and you want to make sure the dress has all the beads in the right place, the suit is tailored to your fit and the tie matches the shirt or the heels match the dress?

Well, that’s what your relationship is like. Before you get to the bigger picture the details are what matter.

  • Don’t let things simmer until they boil over and cause an explosion. If something is bothering you, discuss it right then and there and fix it.
  • If something genuinely makes you smile, show your appreciation at that moment
  • If your boyfriend hates when you nag about your weight and call your self fat, and he still adores you the way you look, shut up and go with the flow and eat your Taco Bell burrito.
  • If your husband doesn’t like the new highlights, get the color he likes so he will enjoy looking at it every day and even play with your hair(men love to do that).
  • Don’t roam around looking like a zombie all day. Men like to come home to see their wives smiling, happy to see them home.

Keep your expectations realistic, and understand that you are special and so is the person you’re with, so treat your relationship special.

Find your self a Tuesday Morning and learn to love it and enjoy it. 😉

x

“We suffer more in our imagination than reality.”

God knows how true to my heart this quote is.

If there’s one thing I am, it’s an over thinker. My brain is continuously on overdrive, and it’s like there’s no pause button. There’s also no rewind, so my nonexistent writing career would go out the window because all the thoughts that are jumbled up in my mind, won’t be there the next two minutes.

One thing I’ve noticed is that if things are going good, I mean really good, and I’m smiling like I mean it, it scares me.

Odd, right?

There’s a quote I absolutely love from the movie “Just Married”

25907586-5109-4A49-B99C-493F3B2FCC4D

that said, “You never catch the hard days in a photo album, but they’re the ones that get you from one happy snap shot to the next.”

To me, I feel like once you get the snap shot, life will smack you in the face and the next challenge comes. You really do have to make every minute count, and not just because time’s running out in your life, but because you just work so damn hard to get there, might as well appreciate what you have.

Beggars can’t be choosers right?

Like when me and my husband are having a pretty awesome day, coinciding in our little bubble, I always get the feeling that not only is it going to pop soon, it’s going to burst like a firework explosion on the 4th of July.

3DEE5BEE-F644-4383-B521-533AD9105263.gif

Paranoia, you would call it? I’m not sure.

Maybe I’m too paranoid, maybe I’m too sappy, I feel things on a pretty intense level. Why wouldn’t I? Why do things half way? If you can’t stand somebody, why waste your time pretending to be nice? If you love someone, why not spend every waking moment showing it to them, so they can never doubt it and neither can you? 

When you’re a kid, there are a few basic rules.

  • Don’t break the law
  • Don’t piss off your parents to the extent where they ship you off to boarding school.  

When you’re an adult though, you’re responsible for your self.

I’ve also learned that if you’re married, dating, engaged or any sort of relationship, you have to check in your baggage before hand because if you have excess baggage, I mean besides even the normal amount that everyone’s allowed, it is no smooth sailing for you.

So, you really do have to learn to love your self before others can. It’s not so you can get a big head and think you can get away with anything – BUT, you have to accept your self for who you are and be okay with it.

Other people give you a lot more chances than you give your self.

You are your worst critic.

I find that it’s tougher making choices as an adult because when you make a mistake, its  your self that you disappoint. It’s easy to give up and lose hope.

It’s easy to feel broken and shattered like you’re just a #fail at life. But give your self that chance. Don’t lose faith in your self. You have to have that confidence, you have to accept that you will mess up. You are human. You may even be a little more screwed up than others, you may hurt others, you may even hurt your self and do things you never thought you would, but that doesn’t mean you lose faith.

That doesn’t mean you lose your self completely, just because you lost your self for a bit along the way. Find your self again and make those edits, it’ll be worth it.

Because when you can fully accept your own self, that’s when you have the ability to share your self with others. If you’re having a shitty day, and you feel like crap, and your spouse still looks at you like they want to be with you and they can stand being around you in that moment, don’t doubt it. Don’t push them away into thinking they should see you the way you see you.

They have faith in you, they are there for you, trust them enough and trust your self too.

x

Do you wanna build a snowman?

do-you-want-to-build-a-snowman

Hello Saturday Morning,

Do You Wanna Build a Snowman??? 

I never really thought it would be so famous, I just had it ebbed into my brain because of my younger sister, who reminds me a lot of Anna by the way.

Man I miss my family.

It’s about to be a year since I’ve been married. I moved to Florida almost 12 months ago, from Karachi, Pakistan and I don’t know if it’s just me who’s the weirdo, but adjusting is still taking time.

Of course, being near Disney world, which is like my all time favorite place in the world, is definitely a perk, but being away from my parents and younger siblings and best friends, yeah, that’s bloody hard.

It’s one thing to have marriage itself turn your world upside down, but uprooting your life and moving from your comfort zone to a place totally new?

It’s like WOAH!!!

I love my husband, I love my life here, BUT, having to wake up every morning and be like, okay, this is home now. This is where I belong now. His family is my family, his friends are my friends, it’s hard?

I’ve never been one to depend on others to show me a good time, you gotta make the best out of any situation BUT 

  • it’s a Saturday morning
  • he’s at work,
  • I’m cramping

BLIMEY.

Yes, my younger geek sister also made me a Harry Potter geek.

You see she does these things, she’s contagious, her nerdness spreads everywhere like the plague and then you just get sucked into it and next thing you know you start singing songs about snowmen and quoting Ron Weasely.

x